A year ago, I found myself in the throes of a crisis—rooted in the exhaustion of my dominant attitudes of consciousness and the persistent call of neglected parts of my psyche to emerge. I realized it was time to face my deepest insecurities and fears. The journey began with a quiet but persistent whisper that the life I was living is no longer fit. What followed has been a year of profound transformation, one I couldn’t have predicted but now see as essential - a renewal of spirit or what Carl Jung would call a process of individuation.
The world I’ve come to think is like the surface of a frozen lake. We walk along, we slip, we try to keep our balance and not to fall. One day there is a crack, and so we learn that underneath us is an unimaginable depth. - James Hollis
Connecting with My Inner Self
I established a connection with my emotions and inner world. I started paying closer attention to my thought processes and feelings—without judgment. Feeling what I really feel. This shift towards self-awareness became the foundation of everything that followed - it’s because I was able to measure my progress in all aspects of life; not in terms of the outcome instead in terms of the growth in my mindset—the small, daily changes that signaled a deeper transformation. I understood the meaning of being present, found myself drawn to ideas of spirituality and universal consciousness (aka God), which gave me a greater sense of letting go and trusting the universe. I started viewing life as continuously moving canvas, where the present moment is a particular state of the canvas. Every thought, emotion, feeling is a color on the painting. And I am immensely appreciative of each state of the canvas and not just excited by the continuity of it. More are the colors, more vivid the painting is.
Learning to Love Myself
For years, I carried the weight of self-doubt and harsh self-criticism. I was my own toughest critic, constantly feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I was always at war with myself. Over the past year, that narrative has started to shift. I’ve worked on cultivating self-love—by learning to accept myself and the flaws. Negative self-talk, which used to dominate my mind, has softened. I’ve started cheering myself instead of tearing myself down. And this shift has brought a newfound confidence—one rooted not in external validation but in an inner sense of worthiness. This is led to me being comfortable to show my edges - speaking with less filters, saying more of my thoughts out aloud, embracing my weird quirks in front of others. We are not meant to be sane, safe or similar. We are, each of us, meant to be different.
The more you are like the others, the more secure you will feel, yet the more your heart will ache.
Relationships
This journey has also changed how I relate to others. I’ve realized that meaningful relationships require vulnerability and honoring what the other person is truly feeling. This openness has made my relationships deeper and more fulfilling than they’ve ever been. I’ve found it exponentially easier to connect with others, including strangers, and to engage authentically—especially in conversations that once felt intimidating. It’s less about being “impressive” and more about being real—and that has made all the difference. It feels so liberating. I have much deeper relationships with a select chosen friends. I would like to believe that I added immense value to their lives; as they did to mine.
Finding Purpose Again
I have started rediscovering a sense of purpose. I closed a chapter in my professional life that no longer inspired me, even though it was hard to let go of something familiar. In its place, I’ve begun exploring a field that truly excites me: understanding the human mind. Studying, reading, and diving into this new passion has brought a sense of vitality back into my days. My interests range from meditations, psychedelics, psychology and philosophy to more concrete bits like the Brain-Computer Interfaces. I feel aligned with something that feels meaningful. My days are filled with curiosity and a sense of possibility. I don’t know exactly where this path will lead, but I trust it’s the right one.
Fitness
Another area of transformation has been my relationship with my body. I always had the notion of getting fit and gaining muscle in a single burst of 2-3 months in an year, and then neglect it. In the last quarter of this year, I started seeing fitness as a constant. I established consistent fitness routines and made nutrition a priority. It’s not about chasing an ideal but about feeling strong and energised. Became much more mindful about protecting my sleep, caffeine, sugar and alcohol intake. Getting in shape is a spiritual process that’s disguised as a physical one.
Practicing Curiosity
I’ve also embraced the habit of learning as a practice. I’ve been reading books consistently - a habit I really loved but gave up when I was 16; exploring new ideas. Built a note-taking system (second-brain) on notion where I write a lot about my life. These practices remind me that happiness doesn’t happen all at once—it’s a process of small, consistent steps. Traveling, too, has become a practice of curiosity. In 2024, among other trips - My longest ever solo trip in Vietnam, 2 weeks with a lifelong friend in Bali and a month long trip with family in Europe.
Closing Thoughts
Change begins with listening—to the quiet discontent, the longing for something more, and the whispers of your soul. Even the smallest step toward your authentic self can open doors you never imagined. We seek happiness in having, but true happiness lies in being. This process has been immensely painful but also immensely ecstatic. No matter what, life continues to be extremely interesting.